How do you handle emotionally unhealthy people?

In my previous post, I highlighted some of the traits of emotionally unhealthy people, and discussed how 20 percent of the people in your life can take 80 percent of your time and emotionally energy.

In this post, I’ll talk about some of the strategies I’ve used for dealing with the emotionally unhealthy people in my life.

A healthy life includes emotional balance, and emotionally unhealthy people can throw off that balance before you know it. If you arm yourself with a few of these strategies -- or others that you have come up with -- you'll have a much better chance of keeping your own emotions in check.

The best strategy for dealing with an emotionally unhealthy person is to minimize contact with them, or if you can, cut contact altogether. Don't force yourself to interact with the emotionally unhealthy person any more than necessary.

However, if we could always use that strategy, there would be no need to defend ourselves against emotionally unhealthy people, would there? That would be too easy.

Here are some others for those times when you are forced to deal with these types of people.

• Minimize their influence in your life. Put them in a little box in your mind. They belong there, and only there. Don't let them sneak into other parts of your life.


• Let them have all the attention they want. Or at least, pretend to. If you are in the same room with an attention hog, it may be best to just let them have it. If you try to compete with them, you'll likely just escalate the situation. Keep your facial expression polite and neutral, nod or comment when appropriate, but don't give them anymore than that. Believe me, if they are an attention-seeker, they'll fill in the rest.


• Seek respect elsewhere. If you know an emotionally unhealthy person who expects, or perhaps even demands, respect from you, but doesn't return it, realize you are never going to get the respect you deserve from them. Don't beat your head against the wall about it or let it upset you. Seek someone else out with whom you can form a respectful relationship.


• Don't argue with them, even if you know they are wrong, and even if they are treading in your domain of expertise. If you know their fear of failure or being wrong overrides their desire to learn from you or find the correct solution, arguing with them is a bad idea. It just makes both of you angry, and it won't solve anything.


• Along with the strategy above, if the emotionally unhealthy person in your life is a know-it-all, let them show off. If it's clear they are not going to learn from you, or anyone else, don't waste your energy trying. Find someone you can influence and concentrate your efforts on them. It will be much more rewarding.


• If they are the type who asks for your ideas then argues with or rejects them, don't expend a lot of energy trying to come up with the best or most original ideas. If you are asked to give a list of ideas to your boss, unfortunately, you have to do it, but you don't have to give all of your effort. Just give enough to satisfy his or her request, and no more.


• If they ask you a question, but don't really take the time to listen to you, give them short answers. When they ask something like, "How's work going?" don't launch into a long, detailed explanation that you know they are going to interrupt anyway. Just answer with something like, "Oh, about the same as usual. You know how it is." Then let them take over the conversation again, just like they would have anyway.


• Establish your boundaries and stick to them. If you work with someone who wants to get more personal than you wish, you are under no obligation to respond. Even if it's a boss, you can say, "That's a boundary issue, and I'm not comfortable discussing it."


• Have another outlet. Find another person or place where you can express yourself the way you want, such as a partner, a blog or a hobby. If you find another outlet to express yourself, it makes it easier to get through your encounters with the emotionally unhealthy person because you are not dependent on them for your own self-esteem and expression.


• Shut the person out of your mind once you are away from them. Don't get away from the emotionally unhealthy person after a peaceful encounter, then spend the next two hours ranting and raving about them. This can be difficult not to do, as you may have pent-up emotions that you have been holding back all day, but the emotionally unhealthy person doesn't deserve that much of your mental energy. If you must vent, pick three things you want to say about the person, say those things, then move on.


• Do something for yourself. It will help restore your emotional balance if you have something planned for yourself after your encounter with the emotionally unhealthy person. You'll feel much better!


These strategies have helped me survive when dealing with emotionally unhealthy people, and perhaps they can help you, too.

What strategies do you use for dealing with emotionally unhealthy people? I'd like to hear them!